IVF – Moving Forward Positively

IVF the next step

Reading my posts over the past months, you will know my first IVF treatment experience was a very positive one. Everything went very smoothly and so nicely, with such positive results along the way, we were SURE we would get a positive result when it came time to do a pregnancy test.

However, it was negative and the numbness, disbelief and disappointment that surrounded the days after this were truly terrible.  I didn’t have so much time to really process the feelings. A very sweet friend was being married that evening, a friend was arriving from Australia the following day, less than a week later another friend arrived from the UK and another very dear friend (who is 6 months pregnant) was getting married.  I also received the wonderful news that one of my best friends was 3 months pregnant. It was a period of wonderful celebrations & excitement for these very dear friends coming right at a time when I felt like hiding in a cupboard in the dark with the disappointment of my ‘failure’.

Putting my own feelings aside, I celebrated and connected with the positive energy of the moment and rejoiced in the excitement that these special people in my life were feeling. There were difficult moments for sure, but in hindsight, its clear that in doing this, it was in its own way,  a precious gift I gave to myself also.

When I eventually took  some quiet moments to sit with myself I found that an unconscious rationalising of my circumstances had occurred.  A wise and positive sense of perspective had been created with the absence of ‘my mind’.  I realised a few things that I believe are incredibly important to remember when faced with the disappointment of a negative pregnancy result.

1.  Few things in life work the first time round 

Consider your experience with  finding love, a career, a home and even learning to ride a bike!!  All of these things have usually needed more than one try to find the success and contentment we imagined for ourselves. We have needed to brush off our wounded hearts/egos/ mind and carry on in search of ‘the one’  

IVF is the same. When it doesn’t work the first time its painfully disappointing there’s no doubt of this, but its not a reason to give up. As we do in our lives, we need to learn from our experience and move forward trying to do it better next time round. Maybe its putting more heart in to the diet the doctor suggested, maybe its meditating more regularly in order to keep  stress levels down and the body more at peace during the process, maybe its sleeping more, maybe its simply being more positive, visualising the positive result we want rather than spending the majority of our time gripped by the fear of failure. There are so many little changes we can make to help things along.

2. The financial costs

Its so common and natural when the sense of failure comes that we consider the financial cost of the attempt. ‘What a waste of money’ etc etc. However, its really not helpful to think like this.  Money is money, its purpose is to buy us the things that we need and want in life.  If being a mother is something we really want then its the perfect use for money.  After all, if its not spent on another IVF treatment, at some stage in our life it will eventually be spent on a home, a holiday, a new sofa, car or any other number of ‘things.’ If we really want a child, we really want to experience the joy of motherhood and we are having trouble naturally then money is simply a means to try to get what we want. If you can afford to have another go then why not and if you cant afford it, begin a determined search to find what funding is available, what options are out there for you. There are options, but it means being super determined in your hunt for information.

3. There are no guarantees in life

This is an important one. All throughout our lives we learn this essential  lesson and we need to remember to put it into context in our journey through IVF as well. When we really want something with all our heart, the best we can do is to go for it, to give it everything we have, to believe as strongly as we can that its possible and to do everything that needs to be done. That’s all we can do, life determines the results.

We have all had dreams that we gave our complete heart and soul to that didn’t work out. We have all felt that disappointment, that heart wrenching feeling of not achieving a dream or goal. But we also know that we survived it, we moved on and with time the pain subsided and other wonderful things occurred, other successes were experienced. 

One of the things I believe that help us to move on is that there is no guilt when we know that we really gave it everything we had, we were focused, we were determined, we put our heart and soul into it.   When it doesn’t happen, its devastating and heart breaking but we know we did everything we possibly could to make it happen. Its the best we can do, the rest is out of our control.

After my next period I return to focussing on babies. I am blessed with not needing to do the full hormone treatment as my little body produced enough eggs for another try. I feel good,  I feel determined and I feel very focussed.  So Lets see ..

Until next time

much love mysticmiss

5 Responses

  1. Hi mysticmiss

    Wow what a journey, and such enlightenment coming from it. We are blessed with the gifts that come from the suffering that this experience gives us. It sounds like an oxymoron, but it is true, once you can get to that place of seeing how you have grown and who you are becoming. You are a beautiful and amazing woman.

    If we can acknowledge that we have no control over the outcome, but just do our best, a lot of comfort can be drawn from this realisation, and place of acceptance. I know it did for me.

    You’re right – perserverance is important, if we gave up after our first try at anything, chances are we wouldn’t accomplish much in life! Its a different journey for everyone, and everyone will intuitively know when they are at the end of it (if they haven’t succeeded in having a baby). Don’t let someone else’s journey, dictate how yours should be. Its totally up to you. In regards to protocols, no. of treatments, but also in how you support and nurture yourself on this journey, and your attitude.

    You sound very much at peace right now, and the energy of that is beautiful. Best wishes with the next cycle.

    baby dust coming your way,
    Coach Louise

    http://www.lifebalanceinfertilitycoach.wordpress.com

  2. Best of luck with your next cycle. I am hoping for a fantastic outcome for you from your frozen embryos.

  3. thanks ladies yoru support is timely and appreciated. fingers crossed life helps me with this one. love to you both xx

  4. Hi, I saw your website last month and was keeping my fingers crossed for you. Very sorry to find it’s not happened for you yet as you seem to really, really want a positive result. Absolute best of luck for the next time and I’ll stop by again to check how it’s gone.

    You are right about your point number 3 though. Whatever happens, one should give it their best, but also keep all in perspective, as life still goes on even if there are some setbacks.

  5. great posts mystic. i am also 41 and will be starting ivf in december.

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