Why a generation delayed becoming parents?

 

photo courtesy of rogermoore.com

photo courtesy of rogermoore.com

Mine is a generation who have enjoyed possibly the most incredible degree of personal freedom of any generation to date. Utilizing this freedom, our lives have become immensly diverse. We have truly experienced life within a global community. 

Could the realisation of our opportunity to be part of a bigger whole, be the reason why many of us have delayed having a family? 

Did it simply give us so much to consider and open so many previously unknown doors to us, that the once traditional transition of adulthood equalling parenthood simply not stimulate us as much as the need to integrate more deeply into our ‘community’ and explore its boundaries?

What is a community?  The oxford dictionary states a community is ‘a body of people living in one place or united by origin or interests’ 

Wikipedia goes further to say ‘the definition of the word has evolved and been enlarged to mean individuals who share characteristics, regardless of their location or type of interaction.’ 

For me, community is the circle of people I live within, the area I live within and consider I am apart of and the area/people I feel I am responsible for. It is the space and the people I care about.

My community is what I consider when making decisions on where to work, live, invest, explore and learn from. Its the area/people I know, I feel safe in and feel I belong to.

Lets take a step back in time to the gereration before mine, for they paved the way. A small number of this generation began to break with tradition. Courageously deciding to act on the yearning within to know the world more, a wave of people began venturing outside their comfort zone and into the relative unknown, exploring the world and connecting with the people.

These adventurous souls were not the first ever global explorers. Not by a long shot, there have been many throughout history. What stands them apart from others however, was their intention not conquer, but to integrate, to learn and to unite. (Think yoga, Buddhism, chakra healing, reiki, tai chi etc)

Our generation took these courageous seekers’ ideals to another level, we created the tipping point.  We, as a mass, grasped the reality of our community being a GLOBAL entity, consisting of the entire population on earth. 

Consider how many friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends you know who have gone travelling, exploring and generally living as though the entire globe is his/her home. Living in the reality that the whole world’s opportunities are theirs for consideration. 

How many people do you know that have lived abroad for work or worked for a foreign company based in your own nation? How many people do you know live outside their country of origin? How many people do you know have had a romantic connection/relationship with someone from another country?   How many people do you know that have studied in another country? Or Volunteered abroad?

Now ask your parents and grandparents the same questions for people in their age group. The difference in the results is quite astounding.

Consider for a moment, how many of the ‘things’ that make up your life, come from the global community. The fitness disciplines you enjoy, the food you eat, the movies you watch, the authors you read?  Its simply amazing isnt it, how fast we as a global community have integrated in the last 40 years.

We have been blessed with endless opportunities to explore, experience and reach for goals and dreams regardless how far outside the box they seem. Our minds’ visual boundaries or visual  horizons now naturally span far greater than they ever have done before.

Though our eyes still see perhaps the same ‘real’ distance as our parents, our capability to visualise a reality far greater than this has developed immensely. 

This new vision gently nudged our perspective on life to expand. And with the world a bigger place,  the prospect of staying in one place, settling down and having children seemed not to, for a significant number, to necessarily hold the same appeal as it once did. 

Life offered so many exciting adventures, it seemed ‘almost a crime’ not to try to fulfill some of our wildest dreams before moving into parenthood.  

I’m not saying my generation have not had children. They have, and in great numbers.  Im saying the age for moving to this ‘next phase’ in life changed dramatically for a large number of this generation. Thoughts of parenthood have come much much later and in a significant number, not at all. 

Being one of those ‘much much later’ kiddos, I now ponder on the situation I find myself in.  Deciding to have children at an age that Doctors tell me is almost ‘too late’, I question more deeply, where myself, my experiences and those of others like me fit within the greater global community. What is the impact of our decisions?

Did chosing the fun and adventure of travelling and immersing myself into the global community over the more traditional path of settling down, getting married and becoming a parent, have dire consequences?

I have never felt bad for the life choices I’ve made. Never. I have always been proud of my life. Though, as I move into my own parenthood phase, questions now rise. 

Did  my life choices signify an immature soul,  a girl who refused to grow up and take responsibility OR am I simply an example of the natural evolution of the human species.  

With natural global resources being stretched by the current population,  perhaps this phenomenon of late bloomers is simply an unconscious global balancing act in play.  

Or perhaps, the global community needed wandering souls, to encourage integration, to break the old moulds of race superiority.

Or even,  it was simply time to acknowledge and honor each souls uniqueness, which after all is the essence of the global community. Thus to a major degree, wiping out the old perception that outcast people and saw them as being inferior simply because they did not reproduce.

Or lastly,  perhaps it was important for a large portion of the population to live lives full of free spiritedness and personal development in order to gain a new type of wisdom. A wisdom that ultimately will allow the next generation to experience an even greater sense of freedom than we ourselves have enjoyed.

If only I could click my fingers and the answer would magically appear!  It would be a great help!

Reality is, I’m 41 and now trying to have a child. Not being able conceive naturally due to problems with my husbands sperm, we are going down the IVF route. (modern technology is amazing)

Listening to the doctors, I don’t know if we will succeed. Its a bit unnerving, though I try to keep open hearted about it all.  After all its not the end of the world if I don’t become a parent. Is it?

Having lived my life by the motto that ‘life knows whats its doing always’ it will be interesting to witness my acceptance of life’s decision on this one? 

Trusting that life wants what is best for me is the belief system I have lived my life by til now. So I’ll just do what needs doing  with all my heart… and we’ll see.

Until next time

much love Mysticmiss

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One Response

  1. Personally, I beat up on myself about many many things, so I really try not to think that I “delayed”. I think we started trying (age 37, 4 years ago) at what was the right time for us.
    Having a very strict, emotional-less upbringing, I had to get out and see the world and travel, and try new careers, and once I settled down, it was time to examine what feelings I had been stuffing for years and years–okay there went my 20s and early 30s). If I have gotten pregnant a few years ago ( before age 37), I can only think what a poor poor child that would have been.
    I think that for those of us that started college in late 80s, we were on the tail end of the movement that got women really out of the house and studying and exploring and finding careers. My mentors were college professors who chose not to have children, who were driven and passionate about their fields, and I wanted to be just like them.
    I had no idea that I would meet my husband and almost instantly feel that we were supposed to have a child together—where did that come from?
    Okay obviously, hormones, but I had never been one of those women searching for a husband and a family. This caught me completely by surprise, and it took a couple years to adjust to the different me.
    Sometimes I wonder about the 80million of us around the world who are infertile, is the universe trying to tell us something? In the back of my mind, my back up plan in case I ever wanted a kid was adoption, plain and simple, why bring another american consumer into the world?
    Guess what, we explored adoption before the by scratch route, and it is as expensive as the whole ivf donor egg thing, who would have known. Maybe the universe is sending a signal—refinance the house, have absolutely nothing in savings, is not the way to go. Maybe it’s time to do more volunteer work and find my bliss in this other way. All these chemicals, all the hormones that I’ve put through my body that are potentially in some water system poisoning someone else, why am I wrecking the environment in this way?
    After four years of trying (including nearly 2 years of surgeries and clomid and injectables and iuis), maybe it’s just time to take a breather…….
    ooops did i just go off subject? apologies,….

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