In my 20’s and even early 30’s when the question of children came up, I was one of the girls who quickly piped up with ” my maternal instincts seem non existant, I think life is giving me a message”
At 35 I still didnt think I wanted to have children. Life was brilliant just as it was. A constant adventure of excitement and fun, I didnt think I needed to add anything to my already fabulously blissful life. It was perfect.
At 37 , life was just as perfect as it had been two years before. I was on a super fantastic journey, an amazingly exciting experience, full with adventures. However, when I asked myself ‘the children question’ again, the No didnt come up quite so immediately. Something within me had changed.
My boyfriend at the time ( now my husband) was not at all ready to think about kids. He was not even sure he wanted them. On the surface, I was feeling like him, yet something subtle and much deeper was tugging at my decision strings.
After some contemplation, I realised it was fear poking me ever so gently. An internal voice had begun to wisper sweet nothings in my ear… ‘The maternal time clock is ticking girl, are you sure you dont want kids? its all very well to say it while you still have the choice.. but what about when the choice is taken away due to age.. how will you feel then? ‘
Ohhh gosh.. what a nightmare! I really didnt see where children would fit. We had such a great life, completely free. We could work and travel whenever and whereever we wanted and we loved it that way. We travelled 3-5 months of the year and worked the rest of the year in all manner of jobs, in all manner of countries. The world was our oyster. Freedom was ours and we loved this spontaneous style of living.
With a boyfriend not ready to think about it and me not wanting to think about it, the inner voice who felt it was essential to think about it, become personal enemy number 1.
I tried to contemplate the idea, tried to visualise it, but no matter what I did, it just didnt conjure up any excitement. I spoke to a friend who was 43. She, at 39 was certain she didnt need to add something to her life. She was more than happy with her lot and was not considering children. At 42 it changed, but so had her body. It was too late. And she regretted it. Ughhhh!!
At 39, it was really time to be mature about all this and make some decisions, before the decisions would be made for me! Discussions ( sometimes seeming more like full scale battles) began to happen more and more frequently in the house hold. I was having trouble making the decision and was projectiing my fury at my husband that he couldnt either.
At 40, our decision was made. We were going to go for it. We admited we were afraid, we admited life was still super lovely with just us, but we also both admited that the idea of children had somehow begun to have a little sparkle to it. “We will never be anymore ready for it than now, so lets just go for it. We will be great parents. ”
At 41, we are now seeing speicalists as no babies have come naturally. My husband has a few sperm issues and me.. well.. the doctors say at 41 I am considered quite mature for the reproduction zone. The general tests I’ve done, all point to a young, fit and healthy woman, none the less 41 is a mature age for procreating, so there are issues.
I dont feel bad that I am where I am. My life is and has been amazing and I wouldnt change it for the world. I am a little nervous though. I hope it all works out ok. Interestingly, next to the nerves, there is a sense of confidence or perhaps even faith. Life has always taken great care of me. Everything has always worked out for me… so I am going to put my trust in the process of life yet again.
Ive decided to write about the experience as I go along in case it helps others in some way who may be going through something similar. Either trying to decide whether to have children or not/trying to have children later in life as we are.
Ill try to share the facts, the difficulties, the Dr’s feedback, the process, the tests and hopefully in the end the fabulously positive results.
So tip 1: There are a few basic tests available to give you a basic idea of how your reproductive health is. its good to know this information regardless of where you are at in life.
guys – sperm test will let you know the health of your sperm. See your GP. He may refer you to a specialist but the test is simple and non invasive. Results are back to you in a day or two.
girls – hormone level test (blood test done on 3rd day of cycle) Our hormones are at their highest apparently on this day so Dr’s can get an indictation of our general reproductive health from this.
Ultrasound on day of ovulation – to see if eggs are being produced ok. This does a few things. Firstly it allows you to learn the exact day of ovulation in your cycle. It also allows the Dr to see if the eggs are the right size at ovulation time. Apparently the Dr can also see if you have a healthy amount of eggs. The Dr will discuss the results with you.
I had these tests done recently. I ovulate on day 15 of my cycle. I have the hormones of a 17yr old and seem to have plenty of eggs. All looking good so far. The Dr says the results are great. He does say though, that while all these things are positive, the fact still remains that my eggs are 41 yrs old. (we apparently get all the eggs we are going to have in our life at once. We dont get anymore.) So whatever we have we have, and they reduce in numbers each cycle and each year. So time is of the essence and we need to be very active in our endevours to have a family.
My husbands low percentage of normal healthy sperms could be a problem. Before we go deeper into though, the Dr thinks its important for me to get a womb test to see if there are any abnormalities. I plan to call and book the test today, so will keep you updated in this.
Few other tips: With the focus on my cycle that trying to have a baby naturally brings, I noticed that I am a very moody around ovulation time. Obviously good for me to know, since intimacy is important for procreation!! I have shared this with my husband and we are both trying to create a more gentle quiet environment in this time.
I have also begun to have weekly accupunture to help balance things out emotionally and prepare my body for pregnancy and am also taking omega 3 and folic acid.
Until next time
Filed under: IVF PROCESS, Life Questions | Tagged: a better life, about happiness, behaviour-change, children after 40, emotional wellness, get organised, IVF info, ivf-funding, ivf-over-35, ivf-over-40, ivf-statistics, long-term-goals, mysticmiss, personal-happiness, positive-outlook, spiritual-teaching, trouble getting pregnant | 5 Comments »