Why a generation delayed becoming parents?

 

photo courtesy of rogermoore.com

photo courtesy of rogermoore.com

Mine is a generation who have enjoyed possibly the most incredible degree of personal freedom of any generation to date. Utilizing this freedom, our lives have become immensly diverse. We have truly experienced life within a global community. 

Could the realisation of our opportunity to be part of a bigger whole, be the reason why many of us have delayed having a family? 

Did it simply give us so much to consider and open so many previously unknown doors to us, that the once traditional transition of adulthood equalling parenthood simply not stimulate us as much as the need to integrate more deeply into our ‘community’ and explore its boundaries?

What is a community?  The oxford dictionary states a community is ‘a body of people living in one place or united by origin or interests’ 

Wikipedia goes further to say ‘the definition of the word has evolved and been enlarged to mean individuals who share characteristics, regardless of their location or type of interaction.’ 

For me, community is the circle of people I live within, the area I live within and consider I am apart of and the area/people I feel I am responsible for. It is the space and the people I care about.

My community is what I consider when making decisions on where to work, live, invest, explore and learn from. Its the area/people I know, I feel safe in and feel I belong to.

Lets take a step back in time to the gereration before mine, for they paved the way. A small number of this generation began to break with tradition. Courageously deciding to act on the yearning within to know the world more, a wave of people began venturing outside their comfort zone and into the relative unknown, exploring the world and connecting with the people.

These adventurous souls were not the first ever global explorers. Not by a long shot, there have been many throughout history. What stands them apart from others however, was their intention not conquer, but to integrate, to learn and to unite. (Think yoga, Buddhism, chakra healing, reiki, tai chi etc)

Our generation took these courageous seekers’ ideals to another level, we created the tipping point.  We, as a mass, grasped the reality of our community being a GLOBAL entity, consisting of the entire population on earth. 

Consider how many friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends you know who have gone travelling, exploring and generally living as though the entire globe is his/her home. Living in the reality that the whole world’s opportunities are theirs for consideration. 

How many people do you know that have lived abroad for work or worked for a foreign company based in your own nation? How many people do you know live outside their country of origin? How many people do you know have had a romantic connection/relationship with someone from another country?   How many people do you know that have studied in another country? Or Volunteered abroad?

Now ask your parents and grandparents the same questions for people in their age group. The difference in the results is quite astounding.

Consider for a moment, how many of the ‘things’ that make up your life, come from the global community. The fitness disciplines you enjoy, the food you eat, the movies you watch, the authors you read?  Its simply amazing isnt it, how fast we as a global community have integrated in the last 40 years.

We have been blessed with endless opportunities to explore, experience and reach for goals and dreams regardless how far outside the box they seem. Our minds’ visual boundaries or visual  horizons now naturally span far greater than they ever have done before.

Though our eyes still see perhaps the same ‘real’ distance as our parents, our capability to visualise a reality far greater than this has developed immensely. 

This new vision gently nudged our perspective on life to expand. And with the world a bigger place,  the prospect of staying in one place, settling down and having children seemed not to, for a significant number, to necessarily hold the same appeal as it once did. 

Life offered so many exciting adventures, it seemed ‘almost a crime’ not to try to fulfill some of our wildest dreams before moving into parenthood.  

I’m not saying my generation have not had children. They have, and in great numbers.  Im saying the age for moving to this ‘next phase’ in life changed dramatically for a large number of this generation. Thoughts of parenthood have come much much later and in a significant number, not at all. 

Being one of those ‘much much later’ kiddos, I now ponder on the situation I find myself in.  Deciding to have children at an age that Doctors tell me is almost ‘too late’, I question more deeply, where myself, my experiences and those of others like me fit within the greater global community. What is the impact of our decisions?

Did chosing the fun and adventure of travelling and immersing myself into the global community over the more traditional path of settling down, getting married and becoming a parent, have dire consequences?

I have never felt bad for the life choices I’ve made. Never. I have always been proud of my life. Though, as I move into my own parenthood phase, questions now rise. 

Did  my life choices signify an immature soul,  a girl who refused to grow up and take responsibility OR am I simply an example of the natural evolution of the human species.  

With natural global resources being stretched by the current population,  perhaps this phenomenon of late bloomers is simply an unconscious global balancing act in play.  

Or perhaps, the global community needed wandering souls, to encourage integration, to break the old moulds of race superiority.

Or even,  it was simply time to acknowledge and honor each souls uniqueness, which after all is the essence of the global community. Thus to a major degree, wiping out the old perception that outcast people and saw them as being inferior simply because they did not reproduce.

Or lastly,  perhaps it was important for a large portion of the population to live lives full of free spiritedness and personal development in order to gain a new type of wisdom. A wisdom that ultimately will allow the next generation to experience an even greater sense of freedom than we ourselves have enjoyed.

If only I could click my fingers and the answer would magically appear!  It would be a great help!

Reality is, I’m 41 and now trying to have a child. Not being able conceive naturally due to problems with my husbands sperm, we are going down the IVF route. (modern technology is amazing)

Listening to the doctors, I don’t know if we will succeed. Its a bit unnerving, though I try to keep open hearted about it all.  After all its not the end of the world if I don’t become a parent. Is it?

Having lived my life by the motto that ‘life knows whats its doing always’ it will be interesting to witness my acceptance of life’s decision on this one? 

Trusting that life wants what is best for me is the belief system I have lived my life by til now. So I’ll just do what needs doing  with all my heart… and we’ll see.

Until next time

much love Mysticmiss

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IVF – Nasal sprays, daily needles & a fabulous sense of excitement

Ok we are doing it !!  No more procrastinating, no more questions..

Ive  been a witch from the darkest village this past weeks as I come to terms with the deep intense, never leaving me for a moment fear that has taken up residence in my heart. 

I cant put my finger on what it is I am so afraid of.. fear of failure, fear of motherhood, or just plain and simple fear of the unknown! 

My ’emotional wellbeing angel’ (my delightful accupuncturist) suggests its probably all of the above AND says its completely natural. ‘Be gentle with yourself and accept this is how you feel… dont keep trying to fight it or dig too much to pin point why’   were her wise and loving words of wisdom. 

Last night we went to the ‘Professor of Sperm’ to sign all the IVF documents and get a run down of how the process is all going to go. To our surprise, as it was the first day of my period, he said ‘ok lets rock and roll!!!’  

He gave me the nasal spray Syneral with instructions to start shooting it up each of my nostrils from now on twice a day morning and night, 12 hours apart and left his office with prescriptions for Bravelle and Gonel F and instructions to return on Friday to learn how to inject these. 

We were stunned. Wow gosh.. we are doing it !!! Thats it,  we are on the horse, no more procrastinating. It felt good. We were filled with a sense of excitement and ironically, a lightness of emotions that we have both not felt for months. So much of the fear just seemed to melt away. 

We are officially in the IVF process, we are trying a new way to have a baby.. and it feels… well.. great!!

IVF and Women In Their 40’s

photo courtesy of acupuncture-medicine.co.uk

photo courtesy of acupuncture-medicine.co.uk

If you are going through IVF, seriously consider finding a Chinese Doctor to compliment the process.  He/She may just well be your life line when your emotions are peaking.

My Chinese Doctor is my Emotional Wellbeing Angel

Last week my husband and I visited our IVF Doctor to go over the process we will be undertaking.

After an hour of listening to the Facts.. how old I am, how old my reproductive system is and how there is only a very small  percentage of women in my age group who successfully fall  pregnant through IVF, I left the Doctors clinic feeling nothing short of terrible.

Tears streaming down my face, my self esteem at level zero, I caught a taxi home and just sat and stared at the wall.  How is it that one can feel so positive about oneself and their health and then a medical  professional can just wipe it out in a few moments?

When speaking to my Chinese doctor prior to going down the IVF path, I mentioned that it was important for me to find a sensitive doctor.  She was very clear in her warning that while IVF doctors are great at what they do, they do not tend to be very sensitive when it comes to ones emotions.  They are the Facts folks!! Period!

‘Thats why you have me’  she said ‘They take care of the technical side of the process and I take care of your emotions.  How right she was!!!

At my appointment with the chinese doctor the next day, I relayed the experience to her. Wow !!! What a different response I got.

She was so positive, reminding me gently that all the hormone tests I had done were very positive, that the tests on the amount of eggs I had were also very positive and that with regular periods, good general health and a good positive attitude, there was no reason the process couldnt be successful. She helped to regain my belief that everything was possible and I left her office, once again optimistic.

Ladies, I urge you to seriously consider finding a good Chinese Doctor, preferably one who specialises in Fertility, to compliment your IVF program. The emotional support is invaluable and could well be a life saver in helping to keep you optimistic, calm and emotional healthy in the often stressful process of IVF.

Until next time

Mysticmiss

Trouble getting pregnant? TRY THIS

 

Speak to your Doctor about getting a HSG womb x-ray done. 

Its a simple test that checks that your tubes and womb are all functioning ok and ther are no blockages.

If there are minor blocks, the procedure often clears the blockages, hence allowing the sperms to get where they need to be in order to fertilise the egg.  

The Doctor who performed this x-ray for me said that In cases where couples have a regular ovulation & normal sperm count/quality, approximately 40% of women who have this test done fall pregnant afterwards.

Speak to your doctor about it, its worth a try and is not very expensive.   

HSG X-Ray:http://www.ivf-infertility.com/infertility/investigations/female/hsg.php 

goodluck!

The ‘Professor of Sperm’ says.. Try this Before IVF

 

So where were we… oh yes..

‘The Womb X-Ray’  (HSG)   

The ‘professor of sperm’  has reccomended that BEFORE  we start with IVF that I get a womb x-ray to make sure my womb, tubes and god knows what other reproductive pathways are clean and clear. 

If there is a blockage of any sorts, it could well be one of the things preventing us conceiving naturally as sperm may not be able to get  where it needs to be.

It’s apparently not uncommon for women to have minor blockages and  this test can detect them. Interestingly, the Dr carrying out the test told me that the very process of procedure can often be helpful in clearing the pathways as well.   

The procedure needs to  be done in the time frame between when you have stopped bleeding and your ovulation day….. AND  you are not permitted to have sex in this time

A quick re cap of that  – the first day of your period is day 1 of your cycle, so the test ideally wants to be done any day between day 5 – 10 of your cycle.  I think its a good idea to book the x-ray appointment in advance so you are booked in for 2 -3 days after you have stopped bleeding.

By being organised, its all out of the way and you are then free to have copious amounts of sex to try and get those little swimmers up where they are meant to be and waiting patiently to meet their match, come ovulation time!!

And hows this for a bit of positive feedback.. the Dr who performed my x-ray said that in the cases where ovulation and sperm counts/movements etc are healthy and normal in a couple  but conceiving has not been successful..  40% of those women fall pregnant after this procedure.  Ok I am not in that catagory, we  are part of the ‘problem sperm gang’,  but still it was nice to hear.

Onto the procedure.. I had mine done in the x-ray dept and It took about 10 minutes. The appointment was at 7.30am and I was told to have a light breakfast. It was a little invasive. Legs spread, the Dr put a plastic device inside me to open things up.  It reminded me of the device used when having a pap smear to open things up – the cold metal thing. Ok so this was a little uncomfortable. Next, the tube, like a drip, is put inside you. This is how the dye will be filtered in.  Inserting this was also a little uncomfortable, but not too bad though.  

When the dye/substance was filtered in I felt a  very strong pain. Like an incredibly strong period cramp suddenly coming. It was a bit of a shock, to be honest, I didnt think it would hurt that much.  It only lasted perhaps 40 – 60 seconds though and was then all over.  I did feel quite tender throughout the rest of the day.

I  got my results within the hour. All is clean and clear. The Dr said there was a minor blockage, hence the strong pain, but that the procedure cleared it and all is now fine… And that was that.  

He suggested we have sex as many times as we can in the next days running up to my ovulation to give ourselves a chance of conceiving now I am blockage free. So we will see.. I have an appointment with Prof. Sperm in the next few days as he wants to see the results and we will go from there.

Link to article on HSG X-Ray:http://www.ivf-infertility.com/infertility/investigations/female/hsg.php 

Please remember I am not a Doctor, nor even an authority on this subject. My language/explanations are relatively informal and my explanations may not be completely accurate. It is important that you do your own research and to always consult with your Doctor for clarification.

The purpose of this and all my posts on IVF and my road to pregnancy is simply to share my experiences  with others who may be in a same or similar situation. 

I hope this has been some help. Your feedback, thoughts, feelings, ideas are all so welcome. I look froward to hearing from you.

Until next time

mysticmiss

Babies…. No thanks..Life is great just as it is.

 

In my 20’s and even early 30’s when the question of children came up, I was one of the girls who quickly piped up with ” my maternal instincts seem  non existant, I think life is giving me a message”

At 35 I still didnt think I wanted to have children. Life was brilliant just as it was.  A constant adventure  of excitement and fun, I didnt think I needed to add anything to my already fabulously blissful life. It was perfect.

At 37 , life was just as perfect as it had been two years before. I was on a super fantastic journey, an amazingly  exciting experience, full with adventures.  However, when I asked myself  ‘the children question’ again, the No didnt come up quite so immediately.  Something within me had changed.

My boyfriend at the time ( now my husband) was not at all ready to think about kids. He was not even sure he wanted them.  On the surface, I was feeling like him, yet something subtle and much deeper was tugging at my decision strings.

After some contemplation, I realised it was fear poking me ever so gently. An internal voice had begun to wisper sweet nothings in my ear… ‘The maternal time clock is ticking girl, are you sure you dont want kids?  its all very well to say it while you still have the choice.. but what about when the choice is taken away due to age.. how will you feel then? ‘

Ohhh gosh.. what a nightmare!  I really didnt see where children would fit.  We had such a great life, completely free.  We could work and travel whenever and whereever we wanted and we loved it that way.  We travelled  3-5 months of the year and worked the rest of the year in all manner of jobs, in all manner of countries. The world was our oyster. Freedom was ours and we loved this spontaneous style of living. 

With a boyfriend not ready to think about it and me not wanting to think about it, the inner voice who felt it was essential to think about it, become personal enemy number 1. 

I tried to contemplate the idea, tried to visualise it, but no matter what I did, it just didnt conjure up any excitement.  I spoke to a friend who was 43. She, at 39 was certain she didnt need to add something to her life. She was more than happy with her lot and was not considering children. At 42 it changed, but so had her body. It was too late. And she regretted it.  Ughhhh!!

At 39, it was really time to be mature about all this and make some decisions, before the decisions would be made for me!  Discussions ( sometimes seeming more like full scale battles) began to happen more and more frequently in the house hold.  I was having trouble making the decision and was projectiing my fury at my husband that he couldnt either.

At 40, our decision was made. We were going to go for it. We admited we were afraid, we admited life was still super lovely with just us, but we also both admited that the idea of children had somehow begun to have a little sparkle to it.  “We will never be anymore ready for it than now, so lets just go for it. We will be great parents. ”

At 41, we are now seeing speicalists as no babies have come naturally. My husband has a few sperm issues and me.. well.. the doctors say at 41 I am considered quite mature for the reproduction zone.  The general tests I’ve done,  all point to a young, fit and healthy woman, none the less 41 is a mature age for procreating, so there are issues.

I dont feel bad that I am where I am. My life is and has been amazing and I wouldnt change it for the world. I am a little nervous though.  I hope it all works out ok.  Interestingly, next to the nerves, there is a sense of confidence or perhaps even faith. Life has always taken great care of me. Everything has always worked out for me… so I am going to put my trust in the process of life yet again.

Ive decided to write about the experience as I go along in case it helps others in some way who may be going through something similar. Either trying to decide whether to have children or not/trying to have children later in life as we are.

Ill try to share the facts, the difficulties, the Dr’s feedback, the process, the tests and hopefully in the end the fabulously positive results.

So tip 1:  There are a few basic tests available to give you a basic idea of how your reproductive health is. its good to know this information regardless of where you are at in life.   

guys  –  sperm test will let you know the health of your sperm. See your GP. He may refer you to a specialist but the test is simple and non invasive. Results are back to you in a day or two.

girls – hormone level test (blood test done on 3rd day of cycle) Our hormones are at their highest apparently on this day so Dr’s can get an indictation of our general reproductive health from this.

Ultrasound on day of ovulation –  to see if eggs are being produced ok.  This does a few things. Firstly it allows you to learn the exact day of ovulation in your cycle. It also allows the Dr to see if the eggs are the right size at ovulation time.  Apparently the Dr can also see if you have a healthy amount of eggs.  The Dr will discuss the results with you.

I had these tests done recently. I ovulate on day 15 of my cycle. I have the hormones of a 17yr old and seem to have plenty of eggs. All looking good so far.  The Dr says the results are great. He does say though, that while all these things are positive, the fact still remains that my eggs are 41 yrs old. (we apparently get all the eggs we are going to have in our life at once. We dont get anymore.) So whatever we have we have, and they reduce in numbers each cycle and each year. So time is of the essence and we need to be very active in our endevours to have a family.

My husbands low percentage of normal healthy sperms could be a problem. Before we go deeper into though, the Dr thinks its important for me to get a womb test to see if there are any abnormalities. I plan to call and book the test today, so will keep you updated in this.

Few other tips:  With the focus on my cycle that trying to have a baby naturally brings, I noticed that I am a very moody around ovulation time. Obviously good for me to know, since intimacy is important for procreation!!  I have shared this with my husband and we are both trying to create a more gentle quiet environment in this time.

I have also begun to have weekly accupunture to help balance things out emotionally and prepare my body for pregnancy and am also taking omega 3 and folic acid. 

Until next time

mysticmiss