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IVF at 41 – Relaxed Positive Determined

fruit of life - samanthacallahan.com

fruit of life - samanthacallahan.com

A quick update as I proceed to the second stage of my IVF treatment.  As you know my first IVF treatment was not successful.  Well it was successful in the sense that my body reacted wonderfully to the treatment, producing 13 eggs of which 9 were good enough for fetilization.  When injected with my husbands sperm all 9 were fertilized.  This meant we were blessed with the opportunity to have at least 2 tries for pregnancy with these eggs. 

The first attempt where 3 eggs were inserted was not successful.  It was initially quite devastating, however I have moved through that and found my positivity again. I realised its essential to be positive and to try to visualise a successful outcome.  Determination is also essential as is being calm and relaxed.

Easier said than done sometimes, but its a must.  Im using postive affirmations which I say daily when I wake up and any time throughout the day when I feel fear/worry/insecurity rising. Im also listening to a guided meditation cd 3 times a week and bought a beginners yoga dvd which I do 3 times a week. This combination is really doing the trick.  Since being determined, positive, calm and relaxed are qualitites we need to learn anyway if we are to be great parents, I figure NOW is a great time to start mastering these skills!!  Where our energy flows reality goes!!

I have now begun the process for the second attempt.  As I said I was blessed that my body created enough eggs to allow me at least one more egg transfer, before i need to go through the complete hormone treatment again. So at this stage although i am on hormones its not the whole needle story again.

On the first day of my period, I began taking progynova (2mg)  3 times a day after food. This is a female hormone used in IVF treatments to build up the lining of the uterus in preparation for my egg (embyro) transfer. In laymans terms, it helps develop ‘the wall’ where the egg attaches itself hence creating a pregnancy. 

I have an appointment in 12 days time where an ultrasound will be done to check the thickness of ‘the wall’.  Once its the right thickness, they will insert the eggs and then its a 12-15 day wait to see if I am pregnant.

Its a very straight forward process.  Ive set my cell phone to give me an alarm 3 times a day to remind me to take the pills and apart from that its life as usual.  The hormones dont seem to be having any adverse effects and the accupuncture is,  as usual helping me keep the emotions in balance.  Ill write again after the appointment with the doctor.  Fingers crossed for me.

If this was helpful, please click the digg button so others can read it too. thanks

much love mystic miss

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IVF – Moving Forward Positively

IVF the next step

Reading my posts over the past months, you will know my first IVF treatment experience was a very positive one. Everything went very smoothly and so nicely, with such positive results along the way, we were SURE we would get a positive result when it came time to do a pregnancy test.

However, it was negative and the numbness, disbelief and disappointment that surrounded the days after this were truly terrible.  I didn’t have so much time to really process the feelings. A very sweet friend was being married that evening, a friend was arriving from Australia the following day, less than a week later another friend arrived from the UK and another very dear friend (who is 6 months pregnant) was getting married.  I also received the wonderful news that one of my best friends was 3 months pregnant. It was a period of wonderful celebrations & excitement for these very dear friends coming right at a time when I felt like hiding in a cupboard in the dark with the disappointment of my ‘failure’.

Putting my own feelings aside, I celebrated and connected with the positive energy of the moment and rejoiced in the excitement that these special people in my life were feeling. There were difficult moments for sure, but in hindsight, its clear that in doing this, it was in its own way,  a precious gift I gave to myself also.

When I eventually took  some quiet moments to sit with myself I found that an unconscious rationalising of my circumstances had occurred.  A wise and positive sense of perspective had been created with the absence of ‘my mind’.  I realised a few things that I believe are incredibly important to remember when faced with the disappointment of a negative pregnancy result.

1.  Few things in life work the first time round 

Consider your experience with  finding love, a career, a home and even learning to ride a bike!!  All of these things have usually needed more than one try to find the success and contentment we imagined for ourselves. We have needed to brush off our wounded hearts/egos/ mind and carry on in search of ‘the one’  

IVF is the same. When it doesn’t work the first time its painfully disappointing there’s no doubt of this, but its not a reason to give up. As we do in our lives, we need to learn from our experience and move forward trying to do it better next time round. Maybe its putting more heart in to the diet the doctor suggested, maybe its meditating more regularly in order to keep  stress levels down and the body more at peace during the process, maybe its sleeping more, maybe its simply being more positive, visualising the positive result we want rather than spending the majority of our time gripped by the fear of failure. There are so many little changes we can make to help things along.

2. The financial costs

Its so common and natural when the sense of failure comes that we consider the financial cost of the attempt. ‘What a waste of money’ etc etc. However, its really not helpful to think like this.  Money is money, its purpose is to buy us the things that we need and want in life.  If being a mother is something we really want then its the perfect use for money.  After all, if its not spent on another IVF treatment, at some stage in our life it will eventually be spent on a home, a holiday, a new sofa, car or any other number of ‘things.’ If we really want a child, we really want to experience the joy of motherhood and we are having trouble naturally then money is simply a means to try to get what we want. If you can afford to have another go then why not and if you cant afford it, begin a determined search to find what funding is available, what options are out there for you. There are options, but it means being super determined in your hunt for information.

3. There are no guarantees in life

This is an important one. All throughout our lives we learn this essential  lesson and we need to remember to put it into context in our journey through IVF as well. When we really want something with all our heart, the best we can do is to go for it, to give it everything we have, to believe as strongly as we can that its possible and to do everything that needs to be done. That’s all we can do, life determines the results.

We have all had dreams that we gave our complete heart and soul to that didn’t work out. We have all felt that disappointment, that heart wrenching feeling of not achieving a dream or goal. But we also know that we survived it, we moved on and with time the pain subsided and other wonderful things occurred, other successes were experienced. 

One of the things I believe that help us to move on is that there is no guilt when we know that we really gave it everything we had, we were focused, we were determined, we put our heart and soul into it.   When it doesn’t happen, its devastating and heart breaking but we know we did everything we possibly could to make it happen. Its the best we can do, the rest is out of our control.

After my next period I return to focussing on babies. I am blessed with not needing to do the full hormone treatment as my little body produced enough eggs for another try. I feel good,  I feel determined and I feel very focussed.  So Lets see ..

Until next time

much love mysticmiss

IVF at 41 is going fabulously!

courtesy of bbc.co.uk

courtesy of bbc.co.uk

Im in the final stages of my first IVF treatment and so far my expereince has been a really positive one. Everything was much easier and a whole lot less emotional than either myself or my husband ever imagined it would be. 

Of course we are all individuals and each will respond differently to the treatment. My story is just one experience. However I felt compelled to share it on the off chance that women searching the internet to get an idea of the expereince they may go through, may come across my IVF story and take some ‘feel good energy’ from me.

I remember when I was considering IVF treatment, I was gripped with fear. It all seemed so clinical and cold. Searching the internet I found more horror stories than positive ones and the stories shared in casual conversations about friends of friends just fed the fear rather than calmed the nerves.

By  writing and sharing my story, from the actual decision to have a child at 41 to finding the doctor and beginning IVF treatment,  I have hoped to perhaps be the positive feedback for women that I struggled so hard to find in my searches.  

Ive written posts on my experience from day one of the treatment (all filed under IVF on my home page) and  have been truly humbled by the beautiful connections made with women around the globe who have appreciated my ramblings. Many were, like me, petrified of process and most named the adverse effects of the hormone treatment on emotions as one of their greatest fears. Quite understandable..I was the same who wants to turn into a big bad nasty witch!

My experience has been so positive in this aspect. I have been astounded how simple, easy and smooth the process has been, how little effect the hormones have had one me and how relaxed it is actually possible to be in the treatment. (this is a choice obviously and takes focus, but it is possible)

I am 41.  ‘Quite old’ according to Doctors and a point, they for some reason, have felt important to remind me of on numerous occasions. (not great for the self esteem, hence my post on my emotional wellbeing angel) Add to the age factor, the quality of my husbands sperm, his little swimmers are not really in the greatest of conditions and yes, that made us a classic IVF couple.

 We tried to conceive naturally for 6 months without success. and then began looking into IVF treatment feeling this was the next logical step.  As Ive mentioned, so far its been ok. Well more than ok, the IVF process has been, all things considered, a breeze.

The hormones didnt effect me very much, apart from a bit of tiredness and a little weight gain. Its actually more like bloating, but I was so overwhelmed at how smooth everything was going that feeling a bit ‘fat’ seemed easy to deal with.  

The daily hormone needles ended up being, in a weird sort of way, an opportunity for my husband and I to feel deeply connected to one another in the treatment.  Im totally afraid of needles, so in the daily ritual of injecting me, my husband witnessed both my vulnerability and fear. He developed a very sweet compassion for what I, the woman was going through and within him, a sort of admiration grew. He saw me as being really brave. It was nice.

And here we are, in the final stages. On wednesday, my eggs were taken out. Not a difficult process. You go under for 20 minutes while they do the removal and then spend an hour or two in the hospital afterwards, to let the saline drip put some liquids back in to the system and to have something to eat.

courtesy of bbc.co.uk

courtesy of bbc.co.uk

You are then sent home with instructions to take the anibiotics twice a day and to begin inserting the vaginal tablets 3 times a day.  (hubby graciously offered to be responsible for this chore..bless him.. any opportunity to be up close and personal with his beloved V… I declined his kind offer )  

They took out 13 eggs in total, apparently a great result. 9 eggs were of good enough quality to inject the sperm into and today (friday) when I went back to have the eggs transferred back inside me, we were told all 9 eggs fertilised.

The Doctor decided (because of my age) to put 3 eggs back inside me. This took about 10 minutes and was not at all painful or scary.  And now its a waiting game. In 12 days we have an appointment to go and have a blood test to see if I am pregnant. Gosh !!  Modern technology amazes me. Its mind blowing.. absolutely Mad.  Mad Mad Mad!!!

Who knows what the results will be. Its now in the lap of the gods!  For now my emotional wellbeing is where I am putting my focus. Being relaxed, happy and thinking positive thoughts. Im visualising being a mother, Im doing guided meditations to connect with my eggs to let them know how very welcome they are in my body and Im doing reiki on myself.  My goal is to have as much positive energy around and within me and to feel at ease.  A daily ritual is a great idea to help with this.

Daily chakra clearing meditations help me to feel I am keeping my energy flowing at its best for conception and asking angels to be close to my side helps me to feel I am being supported by the universe.  All a bit airy fairy I know, but I love ‘airy fairy’ and I really feel its helped me have the positive experience Ive had so far.

We’ll see..  Ill write again in 12 days with an update. 


Until then, much love
mysticmiss

What a relief..no transforming into the wicked witch on IVF hormones.

No wicked witch appeared...what a relief

No wicked witch appeared...what a relief

With all the horror stories Id both heard and read about of how women react to the hormone treatment in IVF, I was absolutely terrified. My husband was too.

Im at the best of times, a sensitive, sometimes over emotional soul, so I assumed that on the IVF hormone treatment, Id instantly transform into the wicked witch from the west.   

How surprised we have been. There’s been no change in my mood at all. Its such a relief!!

Sure Im a little more tired than usual, though that could easily be caused by the early morning appointments for blood tests and ultrasounds that are apart of the process in this stage.

On the whole though, theres been no adverse reaction at all. I feel pretty normal. Its really fantastic!!

Tomorrow we have yet another blood test and ultrasound and after the doctor recieves these results, he believes he’ll probably be able to set the schedule for next step of the process, the procedure where they remove my eggs for fertilisation. 

Its amazing how smooth the process has been so far. Both my husband and I feel pretty relaxed and are enjoying the sweet connection created by the morning ritual of him giving me the hormone needles. He was very nervous about doing this, but now sees its really quite easy. We didnt think it would be such a soft and gentle experience. 

My chinese doctor, whom I have visited weekly for accupuncture treatments during this whole adventure has told me she’d like me to have a treatment on the day they take the eggs out and on the day they put them back in, she wants me to have a treatment both before and after the process.

She is such a gem. I call her my emotional wellbeing angel and I couldnt imagine going through the IVF treatment without her. She has offered me a space to share any fears and has treated me according to these. With much of my fear now melted away, she simply continues to ensure my chi(energy) is flowing freely hence helping my body to best deal with the increase of hormones and prepare for pregnancy.

Blessings to her, to my doctor and to the universe for the support I really feel I am recieving.  

Until next time,

much love

mysticmiss